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_14 _July _2015åÜ ÇáãæÇÝÞ 14-07-2015ã, 08:27 PM
Why should I not be patient and hope for reward with Allah? Why should I not acknowledge my mistakes? What if I had apologized since the beginning this time around that our quarrel has reached a point where neighbors hear our voices? Imagine if you had placed your hands on his shoulder this time around and looked into his eyes with low voice and apologized. Perhaps, he will throw your hands from his shoulders and look back at you with anger. Probably, he will leave the house and shut the door behind him… however, surely he will return to you and what happened between both of you will not repeat itself.
Remember very well do you besiege him with questions like where have you been? How much was the new salary increase? When are we going for shopping? Why do you spend so much time with your friends? Why are you silent? …
And the result is that he ran to his friends and talks to them freely but silent like a prisoner in your house. Remember how the mother of the believers, Khadija used to leave the Prophet to meditate in the cave of Hira for many nights. She gave him his freedom because marriage is not a bond or prison. Rather, she assists him by preparing food and takes it to him by herself and does not impose herself on him.
If only you had not gone to interrupt him while he was reading in private, would that you served him a cup of hot tea and gave him a gentle pat on the shoulders and closed the door, can you imagine what his reaction will be when you present to him the book he has been looking for in his library for long without finding it.
Ah what if you stop your usual repeated discussion about the fight of the children, increase in prices, the neighbors, his long absence and the likes which makes uninterested in you. Remember the mother of the believers, Ummu Salam and her wisdom on the day of Hudaibiyya, remember mother of the believers Khadija-may Allah be pleased- and her statements to the Prophet-peace be upon him- during the beginning of revelation… why don’t you change your discussion with him to issues of knowledge, listen to his views with calmness without interruption then discuss or ask him questions calmly, think of a different style of life and finally before leaving your position think about then words of Allah: “It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives” (Q2:V187). Do you know that answering your husband’s call to his bed is obligatory upon you while the night prayer is sunnah. I am not asking to leave the night prayers but to put everything in their proper place. Do you know that most conflicts in the day are a result of frustrations at night and you can control his anger, emotions, absence, etc if you can fulfill this obligation properly which is top most on your preferences. Thus, you will be happy and your husband will be happy.
If man is naturally a social being then a Muslim is obliged to relate positively in his community. A Muslim who mix with people and is patient with their harm is better than a Muslim who avoids them for fear of their harm. A woman particularly finds herself in most cases surrounded by a network of social relationships of which it imperative to establish good relation with them. Among that is her relationship with the family of her husband (his mother, sisters and the wives of his brothers). These relationships can be affected by tepidity or tension so Ramadan is a golden opportunity for an intelligent woman or correct the path of these relationships, because the feelings of iman, and interest in attaining the forgiveness, mercy and freedom from hellfire is present in both sides. Hence, it becomes easier than any other period and there is no doubt that the first to start the reconciliation is better off so why don’t you be the one? Anas-may Allah be pleased with him-narrated that the Prophet-peace be upon him-said: “do not cut off communication between one another, do not turn your back against each other, do not hate and envy each other, and be servants of Allah in brotherhood, it is not permissible for a Muslim to abandon his fellow brother for more than three days” reported by Malik, Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhee Nisaa’I and Tabaranee. In another narration: “… when they meet one turns this way and the other turns the other way, and the best of them is the first to start with salam and he will precede the other to paradise”. Aisha-may Allah be pleased with him-narrated that the Prophet-peace be upon him-said: “it is not permissible for a Muslim to abandon his another Muslim for more than three days, if he meets him and says salam to him three times without him answering he (the one that refuses to answer) returns with the sins of the first one” reported by Abu Dawud.
Jabir-may Allah be pleased with him-also narrated that he heard the Prophet-peace be upon him-saying: “the devil has given up hope that people will worship him in the Arabian peninsula but in provocations between them” reported by Muslim. Thus, your role as an intelligent woman is to stop this provocation and it imperative upon you in this blessed days to make at least three efforts to establish peace and wipe out effects of provocation and conflicts for Ramadan is an opportunity to stop the break in communication, hatred, and envy which are the cause of tension especially among women.
Remember very well do you besiege him with questions like where have you been? How much was the new salary increase? When are we going for shopping? Why do you spend so much time with your friends? Why are you silent? …
And the result is that he ran to his friends and talks to them freely but silent like a prisoner in your house. Remember how the mother of the believers, Khadija used to leave the Prophet to meditate in the cave of Hira for many nights. She gave him his freedom because marriage is not a bond or prison. Rather, she assists him by preparing food and takes it to him by herself and does not impose herself on him.
If only you had not gone to interrupt him while he was reading in private, would that you served him a cup of hot tea and gave him a gentle pat on the shoulders and closed the door, can you imagine what his reaction will be when you present to him the book he has been looking for in his library for long without finding it.
Ah what if you stop your usual repeated discussion about the fight of the children, increase in prices, the neighbors, his long absence and the likes which makes uninterested in you. Remember the mother of the believers, Ummu Salam and her wisdom on the day of Hudaibiyya, remember mother of the believers Khadija-may Allah be pleased- and her statements to the Prophet-peace be upon him- during the beginning of revelation… why don’t you change your discussion with him to issues of knowledge, listen to his views with calmness without interruption then discuss or ask him questions calmly, think of a different style of life and finally before leaving your position think about then words of Allah: “It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives” (Q2:V187). Do you know that answering your husband’s call to his bed is obligatory upon you while the night prayer is sunnah. I am not asking to leave the night prayers but to put everything in their proper place. Do you know that most conflicts in the day are a result of frustrations at night and you can control his anger, emotions, absence, etc if you can fulfill this obligation properly which is top most on your preferences. Thus, you will be happy and your husband will be happy.
If man is naturally a social being then a Muslim is obliged to relate positively in his community. A Muslim who mix with people and is patient with their harm is better than a Muslim who avoids them for fear of their harm. A woman particularly finds herself in most cases surrounded by a network of social relationships of which it imperative to establish good relation with them. Among that is her relationship with the family of her husband (his mother, sisters and the wives of his brothers). These relationships can be affected by tepidity or tension so Ramadan is a golden opportunity for an intelligent woman or correct the path of these relationships, because the feelings of iman, and interest in attaining the forgiveness, mercy and freedom from hellfire is present in both sides. Hence, it becomes easier than any other period and there is no doubt that the first to start the reconciliation is better off so why don’t you be the one? Anas-may Allah be pleased with him-narrated that the Prophet-peace be upon him-said: “do not cut off communication between one another, do not turn your back against each other, do not hate and envy each other, and be servants of Allah in brotherhood, it is not permissible for a Muslim to abandon his fellow brother for more than three days” reported by Malik, Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhee Nisaa’I and Tabaranee. In another narration: “… when they meet one turns this way and the other turns the other way, and the best of them is the first to start with salam and he will precede the other to paradise”. Aisha-may Allah be pleased with him-narrated that the Prophet-peace be upon him-said: “it is not permissible for a Muslim to abandon his another Muslim for more than three days, if he meets him and says salam to him three times without him answering he (the one that refuses to answer) returns with the sins of the first one” reported by Abu Dawud.
Jabir-may Allah be pleased with him-also narrated that he heard the Prophet-peace be upon him-saying: “the devil has given up hope that people will worship him in the Arabian peninsula but in provocations between them” reported by Muslim. Thus, your role as an intelligent woman is to stop this provocation and it imperative upon you in this blessed days to make at least three efforts to establish peace and wipe out effects of provocation and conflicts for Ramadan is an opportunity to stop the break in communication, hatred, and envy which are the cause of tension especially among women.